in less than 45 mins time it will be his 18th birthday.
i have yet decided on what to do. to buy him present or not to stay as friends or not to continue liking him or not.

today my mum came into my room and saw the Polaroid i took with him. she asked me if he was my boyfriend i wanted to say yes so badly but no. she told me better dont anyhow do things that i am not suppose to.

what am i going to do? thank you zik for listening to me and giving me advices. i like when he said " i hope one day a guy or a girl, in your case, will fully appreciate what you are doing"
so well said wanted to cry.
whatever he has done to me, whatever we have shared i don't know how to deal with it anymore. he's the guy that treated me the worst yet i liked the best. really, girls like guys who treat them bad. why is that so? 男人不坏女人不爱 its so true i guess. why can't i just like a good boy?


things between us are so complicated now i can't see where we are going to end up as. i guess its time to move on but everytime i mean it, he will do something nice to me and make me want to stay. i finally understand RJ. he asks so much of me, asking me to change this and that, and expecting me to live up to his standards. i am so sick of it. why isn't him changing? he claims he likes me but continue with his little crushes and whatnots its so fucking irritating.
zik also told me " i cant say if she has replaced you in his heart, but i can definitely say you are no longer in his heart." it hurts so bad for the truth to be out

i no longer feel anything i want to but i don't. i don't want to care about him anymore but i know i still will after a while. why is this killing me why?! i can't do anything why am i so weak why can't i stand up to myself?!